Britney Spears is everywhere, this is her new video for one of her songs. It was leaked on some Japanese site which was a little surprising, since I thought Japanese people were only into puking on each other and fucking sea food, but then I realized this is Britney Spears we’re talking about and 90 percent of what she does involves puke and sea food.

Whitney Port is some whore from The Hills and here she is in a dress that reminds me a little too much of the curtains my wife brought home from the Salvation Army because she was annoyed of the garbage bags I had taped to the window for the last few years. The least the photographer could have done to make these pictures a little more post worthy is accidentally drop his keys near her and discreetly bend down to pick them up to see if people from The Hills actually have genitals, or if they are just some kind of robots created by MTV. You know, get a shot of Whitney Port in Curtains Showing Off Her Beef Curtains or some shit….

The truth is whenever I try that kind of shit, I always get busted and never end up getting a glimpse of what I set out to see, because girls tend to scream loud when they see you on all fours with your head angled to see up their fucking skirts. The whole this is really inconsiderate to my needs and make me look like I am some kind of pervert in front of all of my friends in the waiting room at the DMV, doctor’s office, mall, or wherever a short skirt slut leaning over happens to be, when they could just go along with the whole thing and have fun with it by you know, letting me get little something out of it, considering it’s not all that much more revealing than what they wear on the beach, but instead they have these rules and regulations governing who can and can’t look up their skirt. I guess the world’s just not as giving as it should be, even in this Holiday Season and the whole thing makes me think humanity has no hope….

PUT A RING ON IT …KATY PERRY

Katy Perry is a victim of positive reinforcement. Someone forgot to tell her that she fucking sucks and instead was surrounded by people who suck her big fucking dick all day long, making her think what she’s doing is relevant because of the paychecks, radio play, and crowds aplauding for you, without realizing the people who are paying to see her are just fucking idiots who eat up anything the radio feeds them.

So she can’t sing, she can’t dance and to make shit worse, she’s not even good looking or worth a fuck. She’s just a fat chick who isn’t fat right now, and her novelty act needs to fucking die, because if it doesn’t I probably will. I am easily affected by things, especially when I can’t escape them everywhere I fucking go.

Here’s a video of her doing the Beyonce dance, because she’s an annoying cunt, and a photoshoot where she looks hideous, because even with make-up, photoshop and good lighting, she can’t escape her fate…….

January 18th of last year, Lily Allen had a miscarriage. As a 22 year old pop star, miscarriage is code for abortion, they just don’t like using the word Abortion, because it pisses off her pro-life fans. The cause of the baby in training’s death doesn’t matter. The fact that she’s into hard drinking, smoking and drug use just means the dead baby is better off being a dead baby. What does matter is that on December 1 of this year, Lily Allen wasn’t carting around her 2 month old baby, making a stop at the gas station to fill up her minivan, because she never had to get one and that’s a good thing, because bitch can’t even keep gas in her babyless car, leading me to believe that she probably wouldn’t have been able to keep her baby fed and alive for very long if she hadn’t ended the pregnancy, so I guess someone needs to let her know that the mourning process is over and she can stop the emotional eating because America like their popstars a lot less tubby than this bitch.

There’s a little debate going on in the Martinez household, that’s not really a house, but more of a crack den, but that’s not the point. I saw this really useless video of Danny Devito and his wife Carla from Cheers and I couldn’t really grasp how he fucks her. That’s when my wife jumped in and said that she doesn’t understand how Rhea Perlman fucks him. So we got into this little argument, where I’m defending that Danny Devito’s worth a round before Carla from Cheers, and on a scale of attractiveness, she’s a fucking troll and he’s just a short fat Italian guy and some sequence of events that lead to him going for her instead of some money grubbing gold digging wallet fucker lookin’ for the good life and finding it through some short fat Italian guy, while Rhea Perlman is just disgusting and no matter how much she made on Cheers, no money is enough to end up with her and it makes no sense to me, so I figured I’d bring the life changing debate to the site for you to discuss amongst yourself, since there’s only one person reading this shit….

Here’s Some Old Rhea Perlman Videos…..to prove my point….

Talking to the media….

Getting Pied….

Singing Autographs in Isreal

Here’s another video of Lohan and Ronson shopping. I don’t really know why I am bothering posting it, but it kinda made me laugh, not because they follow Ronson around where she tells them they are following the wrong person, or because they confuse her for not being a Jew and ask how her Christmas shopping is going, and not because some New York accent screams out of no where at Lohan asking “How’s your fawtha?”, completely out of fucking context, but I guess trying to either rub in the fact that she has no relationship with her dad, or that she’s got major daddy issues, or maybe he has no idea they are estranged and have issues, or maybe he just likes being an asshole, but because they ask Ronson if she’s had the Ronson shake and Ronson’s got know idea hat they are talking about, but probably assumed they were asking about one of Lohan’s bedroom tricks, but she laughs it off when she realizes that it’s the Milkshake Paparazzi guy trying to push his shit on the people he exploits…Either way, I guess the whole thing really wasn’t all that funny, so I’ll leave you some Asian dude singing Touch My Body because it’s amazing.

I got no stories today. I’ve spent the last week sitting in my house, only leaving to take the shit eating dog outside to piss because I figure, since he eats his own shit and does the clean-up himself, piss is our only real problem. In staying inside the last week, I haven’t really been able to get off my ass and get inspired to write about anything or to tell you crazy shit I’ve seen because it’s hiding in my brain and I just keep drawing a blank, so as I sit here smoking my cigar, naked, unshowered and unintentionally smelling my own ass, but enjoying it, I’ve got no choice by to send you to the forum, while I plan some kind of adventure that will bring my dying brain back to life. Maybe it’s brain cancer, but I’m going to go with depression for now…because it’s less depressing. I am sure I’ll get the energy back eventually, but until I do, I have the stepFORUM as back up.

Her name is Vanessa Carbone and she’s some ex-playmate with a cause. I guess bitches who get naked for money in hopes of capitalizing their bodies for all they are worth have more substance than whatever is inside their implants. Or maybe they just like getting naked and noticed so protesting the Japanese embasy in your thong makes sense, because before being offered a couple hundred dollars to do this she had no idea what whales are and were under the impression that whaling was just a sex act virginal dudes did to themselves while looking at her nude pictures on their computers in their mom’s basements.

I hate activists. Sure, I appreciate extreme things and consider myself extreme at least when it comes to laziness, and every time I’ve been bitched at by a hippie lesbian about throwing my garbage in the river, or wearing my fur pants, or walking into a butcher shop to buy meat, I know that they are just fronting and the whole thing is for show, you know to give them some sort of purpose because their Master’s degree in something useless didn’t land them a real job and they are only fighting for a cause is to feel better about their useless selves and not because they actually care, because from my experience, recycling or not not clubbing baby seals is just too much fucking work.

Rod Stewart is proof that being a very rich rockstar overrides being a little man, because he manages to get with tall blonde models, knocks them up and moves onto other tall blond models all the fucking time, I have a specific type of woman too, and that’s one who has genitals, or anything that can double as a vagina, but I have no standards…..while most little men get no love because girls generally don’t go for men who make them feel like they are monsters. I figure he’s gotta have a huge cock, because I’m sure this Penny Lancaster beast has money of her own and his money wouldn’t be enough to lock her pussy down to some guy who’s songs she used to sing along to in the 80s, because with a body that size, her vagina means fucking business and I hear it’s the size of laundry hamper, but doesn’t smell as nice as dirty laundry, but that’s all just rumors.

Another Rod Stewart Rumor….the reason his daughter Kimberly has such a busted up face was because daddy’s accidentally ran over her in his Rolls Royce in between ripping lines off supermodel pussies and writing shitty music, because he didn’t notice her running up to the car, since to him, she’s just someone he writes monthly checks that he’s only met a handful of times.

On a side note, I think running after blond masculine lookin’ tall chicks is cliche, like dude’s trying to go for what he thinks other people think is hot, since the girls made a career for their “look”, while still being masculine enough for him to call dad, something that turns him on because he’s in the closet and this model act is just overcompensation. You know, with a name like Rod, he’s pretty much got no choice but to headline the gay bath houses around the world in his own kind of special concert that involves him taking 4 dicks at a time.

Britney Spears has tits and guess what, so do most girls. It gets boring talking about them, when all I really care about is touching them. Not necessarily Britney’s tits, but any tits that don’t feel like a grocery bag half filled with bacon fat that I’m used to because my wife’s a slob, but not the hollywood rich girl slob like Britney, but the real fuckin’ deal. Sure, she doesn’t shave her head or have self-induced breakdowns or even release hit albums even though the music on them is garbage, but she’s huge in her own way, and that way unfortunately starts at her ankles and works its way to her head. She still manages to squeeze into really big elastic waist band pants like Britney manages to squeeze into a tight dress that she busts the fuck out of all in celebration of her 27th birthday, one people thought she’d never see, but I always knew she was too soft to actually end it all and with her new revamped, hard new look, her tits look a lot better than the post pregnancy, nipples to the ground mess we saw a few months ago so I’m posting the pics. I am also trying to get tickets to her show here in March, so if you know anyone who can help make that happen, email me.

I was just emailed this commercial of Georgia Senator’s Saxby Chambliss giving the world a wholesome Thanksgiving Message, unfortunately it was a little too pleasant for him. If you scroll to the end, you’ll see him grabbing his grandaughter in a pretty unwholesome way. I’m sure it was accidental and not some subliminal need, because any molester in their right mind knows to keep that shit behind closed doors and not bring it out in front of camera crews. I guess “big daddy” shows his affection for his family with a pre-puberty titty grab, while other non-wholesome families just put their kids in front of the TV and not on their lap for a grabby horsey ride, I’m not going to spend much time on this since it’s a week old and probably totally out of context and probably something you’ve seen, and in his defense, he is from Georgia, where this kind of thing is encouraged. It’s a Southern thing..

Someone needs to get this bitch some serious dick. She’s acting like a little spoiled brat, probably because she is one, as she ignores the paparazzi when walking to her car and then bitches at them for being on her driveway when her and Ronson get home and the whole thing is fucking ridiculous. Sure the paparazzi invade privacy, they get in your face, they annoy you and all that shit, but they only do it when you are famous and accessible. If this bitch really wanted to get away from it all, she’d step down from the limelight, move to some small town or pretty much any city that isn’t New York or LA, but she likes the fucking attention. You know, maybe she could do what so many lesbians before her have done and cut her hair short, sign-up to University, major in Woman’s Studies or the Environment and have potluck parties where they all sit around drinking cheap wine and talking about sustainable building and eating fucking pussy when they aren’t eating organic cookies.

It’s one of those “you lay your bed situations” and her attitude and lesbianism is equally full of shit, if the paparazzi lost interest and weren’t on her doorstep one morning, she’d wonder why they all forgot about her and would probably end up killing herself, so despite her cunt behavior, she loves this shit. Other things she loves, cocaine.

So someone I was expecting to meet up with for a drink tonight never called me. I don’t entirely blame them because I am the kind of person I would cross the street to avoid if I unfortunately knew me, but I figured I’d let them know how I felt in an email….This is what I wrote….

Subject: Get Well Soon….

I wanted to wish you a speedy recovery from the  horrible car accident you were in, because that’s pretty much the only excuse I’ll be willing to accept for you not calling me to go out for a drink when you said you were going to. In fact, I hope you died in the accident so that I don’t have to make plans around you, only to get ditched by you ever again. I will spit on your grave you piece of fucking shit.

What are you up to tomorrow night?

Love Jesus

I wasn’t actually mad, I’m just trying to leave my mark and I was just concerned about her well-being, but I have a feeling this bird won’t get the joke like you won’t get these links….

BONUS - Sean Avery Calling Elisha Cuthbert Sloppy Seconds to dis her Hockey Boyfriend Dion Phaneuf and it is Funny… Even coming from a Hockey Player…..and I Hate Hockey…and People Who Play It….

To translate his Canadian Accent….

“I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada,” Avery said. “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about. Enjoy the game tonight.”

The single Paris Hilton is really out on the prowl, you know with wearing latex every chance she gets, trying to convince us that she’s this outrageous fuck, but like every slut who dresses like she’s in some kind fetish club chained to a fucking wall getting gang raped, she’s just fronting for the laziness that we’ve all seen and know, because she’s the kind of girl who loves herself so much, that she thinks just being present while getting slammed is enough fucking effort in making the sex a good experience. The truth is, a lot of people have taken her on a ride, but just because she’s got herpes, doesn’t mean she knew what she was doing when getting it, like this dumb bitch I know who got drunk and let her first boyfriend go down on her when he had a coldsore, not realizing that coldsores are fucking herpes and can scab your shit up and was now tainted and still a fucking virgin and who didn’t get it by being strapped to a fucking wall getting gang raped, like a real sexual liberated deviant who earned her herpes would.

Either way, she’s really got some skills in making her tits look bigger than they actually are and I guess that should count for something, even if that something is trickery that pisses me the fuck off because I like knowing what I am getting myself into, even if it’s in my imagination, because I’d never fuck Paris Hilton, mainly because she’d never fuck me, but also because it’d end up being a story that inspires an episode of CSI, because I hate her and hate fucking usually ends up in a crime scene, and I’d just plead self defense, cuz that pussy is a biological weapon.

This is some broken down UK slag, with the face a Thai discount plastic surgeon used to leaving surgical tools in patients would be proud of. She’s only in her late 30s, but still manages to look like the 50 year old rich mom’s with 75 year old husbands and 20 year old daughters, who spend their days getting their hair done while wearing their daughters’ slutty clothes and doing their daughters’ coke, while trying their hardest to get with their daughters’ male friends, because they can’t handle their husbands’ old limp dicks and hate themselves for leaving the party life at 30, to enter the fairy tale family life for security and because everyone around them told them it’d be a good opportunity. The good old days were their 20s, when they worked the dancefloor at the disco they worked at, fucking like there wasn’t a care in the world, being passed around like the whores that they are, before being swept off their feet by a doctor or lawyer who pursued them because they never had a girlfriend and were too busy making enough money to sway any desperate, money hungry slut with not direction to become their wife and baby mommas.

Either way, her cleavage is pretty insane. I wonder how many CCs she’s got in there.